Thursday, 3 June 2010

A little list of things that I somehow feel I ought to be into, but, for various reasons, am not, and therefore feel that I am missing out.

Sometime ago, in this post, I gave a list of things I like and enjoy, but about which I feel rather ashamed and embarrassed. This list caused much amusement among my friends, and not a few comments. I made a promise then that I would list things I am not into, but feel I ought to be, either because I think I might actually like them, or because I would get along so much better with the people around me, and might actually have something to talk about with them. Here goes:

1. Football. (Soccer to my American followers). I find football tiresome in the extreme. It goes on and on, and seems to consist of a bunch of vainglorious overpaid underwear models running around a pitch for the enjoyment of the popular media and jingoistic supporters. I dread the world cup.

2. Formula One racing. Whereas football is a continual annoyance, F1 is a weekly annoyance throughout the summer, and I hate it with a passion. The drivers are even more egotistical and foolish than their footballing counterparts, and the races are the bane of Sunday afternoon television. Even worse, it is about cars, which have always bored me (why is Top Gear always on at least two channels at any given time?).

3. Glee. This is, I understand, a series about a high school choir. I like music, and think I would like it. I cannot turn to Farcebook without seeing rave reviews, comments, and polls. All my friends like it. I just have not managed to tune into it, and it is too late now. I also fear I would really enjoy it, and spend all my time watching the eighteen series of twenty-four episodes.

4. Flash Forward and Heroes. Much the same as point 3.

5. Vampire and werewolf series. I have never watched Buffy and Twilight, but, again, these seem to be ubiquitous. Every other book in the book shop is about High School Vampires, Gay Vampires, Lesbian Vampires, Catholic Vampires, Vegetarian Vampires etc. etc. etc. I am mildly entertained by such sour confectionery but am unable to justify the time it would take to watch such things.

6. Only Fools and Horses. I agree this is funny in parts, but I just could never get into it.

7. Dad’s Army, and Fawlty Towers – ditto.

8. Cupcakes – everywhere you turn now, there are cup cakes smothered in piped icing. They look most sickly and horrid. I will not indulge.

9. Wearing jeans below the hip, to reveal underwear. Last week, it was my pleasure to see a young man running for bus to have his jeans fall down and bring him with a thud to the floor. Once I had ascertained that the only injury was to his pride, I could hardly contain my snickers and guffaws. I cannot bear trousers and jeans to slip down, and always have my belt tightly done up (a necessity now I am losing weight). I do wear underwear, but, despite the frequent requests of my public, it will not be on display. It is under my clothes. The clue is in the name.

10. Iphones, Ipods, Epads, Ybooks, Xpads, Podcasts, Wormcasts, Efiles, Xfiles, Playstations, Xboxes, IBoxes, Wii, Wee, PSP, PIP, PSN, any form of game, and the Cloud. I just cannot keep up and don’t have the money. I have a mobile ‘phone that makes/takes calls and can be used as a camera. I can check my email on it if I want (I never do). I have an mp3 player which has music on which I listen to when going on a long walk. That is sufficient for me.

Do you have anything you feel you ought to be into, but are not? Tell me about it!

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